How to Crush It?

Today's inspiration is Sgt. Kimberly Denise Munley. I pray that God will heal her quickly. She is a true hero, responding without regard to her own life to serve and protect others.

I really wish I could do something to change the world for the better. My pastor gave a sermon recently on taking Revolutionary Risk. We have all talents and gifts, and not to use them is just plain lazy. One thing he said that resonated with me was his question along the lines of--does anyone grow up wanting to be average, to have a mediocre life, just to get by until they take their last breath and die? When I was young I wanted to win the Nobel Prize in Chemistry. When I got a C+ in organic chemistry in college, I realized this wasn't going to happen. Then I turned to law and the goal of becoming a Supreme Court justice. I found myself practicing corporate law so that also isn't going to happen. So what is left for me? I don't know yet.

Someone I greatly admire is Paula Deen. She suffered from agoraphobia in her 20s and didn't really come into her own until late middle age. So there is hope for me, right? A friend of mine gave me the book "Crush It" for my birthday, which basically says go after your passion night and day until you attain it. The biggest problem I think is that I don't have a passion. As long as I've known my friend Rayray, her passion was to become a doctor. She didn't pursue it right away after college but went into the peace corps, but she planned to go to med school afterwards. Unfortunately, the peace corps gave her malaria meds that made her hallucinate and eventually she had to be medevaced. She had some brain damage (not as bad as it sounds since we all only use 10% of our brains) but managed to overcome that and got into her choice of med schools (40 on the MCAT!). She'll finally graduate from med school next year, a 12-year journey from college graduation. To me, that shows true passion. To go after something so doggedly without ever contemplating defeat. I don't have anything close to that.

Except one thing. I wanted to be a mom ever since I was young. I wanted to have lots of children and be home with them. I wanted to cook marvelous meals using my 20 different cookbooks and have wonderful sit-down family dinners where we would all talk and enjoy each other. But it's not working out the way I wanted. There are so many days when things blow up and I feel like a complete failure as a mom. Everyone says you do such a great thing for your kids just by being there, but really? I don't think that's true. If your kids want you to go to work and their dad to stay home instead then isn't it time to throw in the towel on that dream? If your kids ask for macaroni and cheese or just plain rice day after day, what does it say about my cooking? And if the only way I can get them to eat is by chasing them around and shoving a spoonful of food into their mouths, what does that say about my parenting skills? I just want to go inside a hole and hide there for a week. What is the cure for mom burn-out?

When I read about someone like Sgt. Munley shooting down an insane gunman, I just appreciate so much what a strong woman can do out there in the workforce. Kudos to her. And anyone who says she should have been home with her kids instead of working needs to be kicked out of this country because they obviously don't appreciate the freedom we have to make that choice to work. Thank you Sgt. Munley, job well done.