Top Ten Reasons I'm a Bad Mom

There are so many things I said I would never do as a mom before I had kids. I thought, "those are things bad moms do." Oh, how self-righteous and judgmental I was when I saw these bad moms out and about town. Little did I know, I would be joining the ranks of these "bad moms." There are many many things I do that make me a "bad mom," but here are the top ten:

10. Drinks with artificial sweetener. Their preference for juice over anything else left me little choice but to let them drink what they call "water juice." If Crystal Light prevents R from getting diabetes (he's at risk since I had gestational diabetes), then that works for me. I know, I should be resolute and refuse them anything but milk and water, but after more tantrums than I can remember, I just can't deal with that anymore.

9. Video Games. I said I would never let my kids become video game junkies who prefer their DS over their Dickens, but it has happened. It was either let H play games on the iTouch or fight to get him to sit in his seat at restaurants.

8. McDonalds. We are there almost every week, and not just for the parfaits and apple dippers. McDonalds Playplace has saved my life more times than I can count. Sorry for the times H peed inside the climbing structure, I tried to wipe it up as best as I could before hightailing it out of there.

7. No chocolate before age 1. I made this arbitrary threshold with H, but with R, I was stirring in chocolate sauce with his milk at nine months to get him to drink it. Anything to get him above the 10th percentile for weight. And since then it's all been downhill and R's one step away from being a sugar addict.

6. Organic milk. I vowed never to give my kids anything other than organic milk. Then we went from two incomes to one, and a kid whose refusal to drink milk led to $5 half-gallons being dumped down the drain. We switched to regular (still non-rBST) milk after the first couple of cartons.

5. Wet diaper. I used to think my friend whose second child was born at the same time as H was really negligent for leaving her son (during the day) in a wet diaper for so many hours that the diaper would leak out. Luckily he never got diaper rash from it, but I still thought it was "bad." I think R's record for wearing the same diaper through multiple pees might be over six hours.

4. Swearing. I still haven't said F-U directly to them but have muttered it under my breath and thought it many times, mostly when I am cleaning up poop or puke they have deliberately smeared on the carpet. And no, there is no question about it being deliberate when it's the third time during the same afternoon nap.

3. Bribery. M&Ms for getting into their car seats, a penny for each toy picked up during clean-up time, and Chuck E. Cheese for staying dry all night long (this one hasn't happened yet) are just a few of the many ways I bribe the boys all day long.

2. Comparing them to each other. "Why can't you (the guilty one) be like your brother? Look at him, he's not __________ or ____________."

1. TV as a babysitter. H only watched half an hour of Sesame Street a day before he turned one. Then he watched an hour or two of PBS till he was two. After R was born, I let H watch whenever I had to put R down for a nap. R was soon watching as much as H outside of his naps. Recently I decided I needed to start exercising more regularly so I have been letting R watch Nick DVDs while I exercise to Jillian Michaels on Wii while H is in preschool. Some people think it's strange that H calls me "umma," the Korean word for mom while R calls me "mommy." What they don't realize is that R is actually saying "mami," because he learned the word for mom by watching Dora.

So I'm guilty as charged. I'm a BAD MOM. But I have to think a bad mom is better than no mom. And soon when they both go to school and I have some time to straighten myself out, I will start my mom rehabilitation program and become a GOOD MOM. Or maybe I will just do some things differently and become a BAD-ASS MOM. If the two toddler terrors would Just Let Me Lie Down, I could figure out which one it'll be.

This post was inspired by this month's Silicon Valley Mom's Group Book Club selection: Just Let Me Lie Down: Necessary Terms for the Half-Insane Working Mom by Kristin Van Ogtrop. I was sent this book from the publisher for review purposes. I was interested in the book to get a sense of the differences in insanity between a SAHM and a mom working outside the home, and perhaps to reminisce a bit about my former life. It was pretty interesting to find that I'm facing many of the same things the author is facing--and I'm not the editor of a major magazine! 

Fun with the Boys at Blogger Events: Nick's Fresh Beat Band & Xbox 360's Project Natal

Being a mom blogger means you get invited to a lot of cool events where you learn about the things that your kids enjoy, while learning about your kids at the same time. I learned over the course of the past two bloggers events that my boys prefer a virtual reality. The first was the awesome opportunity to tour the set and meet the cast of the Nickelodeon show, The Fresh Beat Band, a live-action preschool musical sitcom set with original pop songs. Marina (Shayna Rose), Kiki (Yvette Gonzalez-Nacer), Twist (Jon Beavers), and Shout (Thomas Hobson) are the Fresh Beats, described as four best friends in a band who go to music school together and love to sing and dance. In each episode, the Fresh Beat Band solves everyday challenges and also teaches the importance of friendship, working together in a positive way and respecting others' differences. And they do it to music--so it actually holds the preschooler's attention! Before the event I thought the female characters were actually named Marina and Kiki and only the male characters had stage names. Before the event I also thought that the show filmed at Nick studios. I'm glad I checked the invite again the day of the event because this year they moved the set to Paramount Pictures on Melrose.

Both boys love the show, but R in particular will get up and dance during each episode's four upbeat, kid-friendly songs. I thought, "how perfect, they are going to love meeting the cast in person." It started off well. The boys had a great time on the set tour. Then it was time for the Q&A session with the cast. As soon as we saw Kiki, Marina, Twist and Shout, H and R freaked out. They couldn't handle the fact that the characters they saw on TV were sitting in front of them. R buried his head in my chest and refused to look up until the cast left. When it came time to take photos, H ran away and wouldn't come back even his favorite character Shout went over to him. (Side note: I thought it was pretty telling that H's favorite went to my college. Boola boola!) R was immobilized so at least I got a photo, but it's definitely not something I would blow up and put up in his room. I really don't understand why they were so freaked out about meeting the real people from the show when we've seen other characters from movies and books, Santa Claus, and the Easter Bunny without the same level of anxiety. Very strange. Even stranger that the next day they both sat down to watch the show as if nothing had happened.

The next event was the preview of XBox 360's "Project Natal." The boys were completely ecstatic and in video game heaven. I know 1 and 3 seem pretty young to be playing video games, but because they are such television junkies, I figured playing video games would be better because at least it gets them off the couch. I don't think the reps from the company expected H to be so adept, but he figured out the concept pretty quickly and tried to play the game as much as he could. I was really impressed at his ability to wait his turn. Just a year ago, the concept of waiting was still extremely difficult for him. There were times I thought he would never get it and just be branded a "bad kid" for the rest of his life, but thankfully he did get it. He still needs reminders, but at least we don't have to leave the premises. R was so happy and relaxed just to be there, he didn't need to play the game himself. He was friendly and had smiles for everyone, including the fabulous XBox rep, Chrystina.


Project Natal is the code name for a "controller-free gaming and entertainment experience" by Microsoft for the Xbox 360 video game platform that will be released in time for Holiday 2010. Based on an add-on peripheral for the Xbox 360 console, it enables users to control and interact with the Xbox 360 without the need to touch a game controller through a natural user interface using gestures, spoken commands, or presented objects and images. It's really neat because you don't have to worry about getting the receiver to register the controller movement and of course it leaves your hands unfettered. I immediately thought of how this would definitely make workout games a lot easier to do. If you and your family are as into video games as we are, you can follow the development of Project Natal on the following social networks:
Tumblr: www.xboxprojectnatal.tumblr.com
Twitter: updates from @experienceMSFT and conversations using #Natal and #Sneakpeek hashtags
Facebook: www.facebook.com/Xbox
YouTube: www.youtube.com/Xbox360Info

The boys and I had a fabulous time at both events. I'm looking forward to learning more about them at another event tomorrow. Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it to drive all around SoCal for these parties (it can get tiring!), but when I see how much fun they have I'm so grateful that I have these opportunities to share good times with them while they're young. Thanks Nick and Xbox!

I did not receive any compensation for this post. I did receive a copy of an episode of The Fresh Beat Band for review purposes.

Earth Day 2010-Tree Planting, Being Green, and the Na'vi!

In honor of Earth Day, our family planted a tree for the first time. I had originally been planning on planting some flower seeds, but by serendipity, Stewart received a tree through work. The card that accompanied it stated that it was a Colorado Blue Spruce and that the tree would be able to: manufacture 5 pounds of pure oxygen per day, consume 48 pounds of carbon dioxide per year, provide the cooling equivalent of 10 room-sized air conditioning units, collect pollutants from the air, reduce noise pollution, provide a home for birds and small animals (something I hope will not happen in our front yard), enrich surrounding soil, and prevent soil erosion. H had a great time planting the little tree. R was a little less enthusiastic. And yes, they are in their pajamas because I thought it would be better to let them wear pajamas and plant the tree first thing in the morning and then change them after they got all dirty. And yes, they are using a spoon since I couldn't find the planter shovel in the mess that is our garage. I only saw the tiny print that the tree would grow to 40-60' after we had planted it. I realized that was feet and not inches and immediately had visions of the tree roots destroying the foundation of our house. We will definitely be transplanting the tree to a more hospitable environment once it hits three feet so that doesn't happen!

Besides our tree planting, I have been trying to take steps to be green so I can set a good example for the boys. We have cut down on our bottled water usage by 90%, drink only rBST-free milk, take reusable bags to the supermarket, and use rags instead of paper towels most of the time. After reading National Geographic's Green Guide Families as part of the SV Moms Blog Book Club (my book club post here), I've realized that there are so many other things that I can do. This Earth Day, I have resolved to do five of the suggestions from the book:

1. Buy a radon testing kit and check our home for radon gas (p108, 283). Radon is the second leading cause of lung cancer after smoking!
2. Ask our pharmacist if they have a "take back" program for unused or expired medications (p119). Drugs put down the drain or toilet may make it into the groundwater and then into our food supply.
3. Cut down on red meat in our diet (p87). Apparently greenhouse emissions from livestock make up 18% of all man-made emissions globally, surpassing that from cars, trucks and all transportation methods combined.
4. Say no to cheap toys that will end up in the landfill (p249-250). I recently bought H a plastic shovel that broke the first time he played with it. Granted, he was pretending to be the Shoveler (Mystery Men, what a great movie!) and bashing everything in sight, but I won't be indulging that kind of purchase again.
5. Stop buying flowers unless they are certified eco-friendly (p323-324). Many flowers available in the US market were grown in South America where the use of pesticides on flower fields is not sufficiently regulated. The miscarriage rate is higher in women working in flower fields than in the general population. I would hate to think my buying flowers contributed to a woman losing her baby.

Of course, our family is excited about Earth Day not only because it is a day when we can take and resolve to take more "green" actions. Stewart has been looking forward to this day ever since he found out that Avatar would be released on Blu-ray and DVD everywhere in North America on Earth Day, April 22. If you've been lost in the wilderness for the past year or just haven't been paying attention, Avatar is the Oscar and Golden Globe winning, highest grossing film of all time. It's also a film with a clear message on our need to safeguard our environment. Avatar demonstrates how human invasion almost destroys the balance of life on the planet of Pandora. Instead of siding with the humans, the audience finds itself passionately rooting for Pandora’s survival instead. Taking that message of conservation and ecological harmony, Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment has teamed up with the Earth Day Network to plant 1,000,000 trees worldwide in celebration of the BD and DVD release of the film. People who purchase the film will be given a unique access code that allows them to go online and actually adopt one of the million trees being planted, charting its location and progress. Through Earth Day Network's Billion Acts of Green Program, those adopting a tree will be able to count their action toward the goal of one billion acts of green on Earth Day on Earth Day Network's website.

The tree planting program is part of Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment's parent company News Corp's global energy initiative, a commitment to reducing the company's impact on the climate and the environment, transforming the way it uses energy, and engages the global audience with its issues. The tree adoption is also part of "The Avatar Program," an interactive consumer experience that offers an online hub for exclusive access to first-look bonus materials, special content, money saving offers and much more. The Avatar Program will bridge the April release and an ultimate release with immersive bonus materials slated for November. I'm looking forward to reviewing these features when I receive a review copy of the movie from Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment. So excited! Happy Earth Day everyone!

LA Moms Blog-Sleepless Nights

The reason for my morning zombie state are explained in my recent post on the LA Moms Blog.

http://www.lamomsblog.com/2010/04/i-can-sleep-when-im-dead-rtp.html

The Ants Go Marching One by One

A few months after we moved to California from New York, we woke up to a stream of ants walking across our dining room floor. We killed them and tried to be more vigilant about crumbs. Our second baby, R, was only four months old at that point so we didn't want to use any pesticides. We put into action every natural method for bug prevention in the book. We swiffered every night, put all open food in the pantry in containers, and did the dishes after every meal. This was not enough to deter the ants so we tried natural remedies recommended by friends and the internet. First, we tried rubbing lemons all over the edges of our windows because someone told us that ants do not like lemons. This worked about as well as the California fiscal budget process.

Then we poured baby powder around the edges of all the rooms because ants will suffocate if they cross that line. This worked to some degree but there was always some point in the baby powder line that the ants could pass. It was also inconvenient to have to explain to guests that the white substance all over our house was baby powder. It would migrate over to the floors, get on my kids' hands and feet, and then tracked everywhere. Next was Orange Guard, which also worked at some level but we just couldn't spray it in every crevice from which the ants were coming.  Then we bought baits for inside and outside the house and put them in places where our kids couldn't reach. Apparently the ants couldn't reach them either because they didn't work. By this point, the daily fight against the ants had turned my mouth into that of the meanest of the mean stereotypical foul-mouthed truckers. (I have to admit this was a turning point in my life from which I haven't been able to retreat.) Every time the song The Ants Go Marching One by One was on Elmo's World, I had to restrain myself from throwing the remote at the TV.

The final straw came the day when an ant was crawling on R's face. We called the exterminator. By this time R was seven months old. There must be something magical about the six month birthday, right? After all, this is the point when doctors say you can start using sunblock on your baby, so their bodies must be able to withstand topical chemical contact. Whether this was mere rationalization on my part, I couldn't risk the chance of a queen ant crawling inside R's nose or ear and laying a colony in his brain (yes, I know highly unlikely, but I looked it up on the internet and it has happened!). The exterminator came. He had to come for one followup visit a week later but we haven't had any ants since the week after Thanksgiving 2008.

Of course, this post is a cosmic invitation for the ants to invade again. I told my husband Stewart if I see even one ant, I will call the exterminator the same day. I was reminded of this crazy episode of my life (I'm sure everyone I met during that period thought I was some neurotic psycho because I would talk about the ant attacks all the time) while reading this month's Silicon Valley Moms Blog book club selection, Green Guide Families: The Complete Reference for Eco-Friendly Parents. I was happy to read that I had followed all the tips on how to ward off pests before turning to pesticides as a last resort, which provided some comfort. I'm excited to learn about other ways to become more eco-friendly so I can be a good role model to my kids. But I have to think that if being green is going to drive you insane and make you miserable, then you can't function as a good role model. Some people can live with ants all over their house. I cannot. I'm appreciative that the Green Guide recognizes this and didn't call for an absolute ban on pesticides. I will be sharing some more tips from the book in my Earth Day post. Stay tuned.

This post was inspired by this month's Silicon Valley Mom's Group Book Club selection: National Geographic's Green Guide Families: The Complete Reference for Eco-Friendly Parents by Catherine Zandonella. I was sent this book from the publisher for review purposes.

Date Night Movie

I just saw this youtube clip from the Date Night movie and it made me cry. I would love to go see this movie for a real date night. We recently found a babysitter so maybe we will. But I bet Stewart would rather see Clash of the Titans. I think I want to see the original of that before I see the remake.

Tina Fey's message to mothers:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ViH6apQcNs0

Curél Skin Advisor-GIVEAWAY

Congrats to #4 Amy Anderson picked by Random.org! 

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My son H and I have itchy skin. I know that stress is a trigger, but there must also be something in nature that triggers it because H recently had a very bad breakout after going to a park. There was a large overgrown hedge where he and three friends were have fun going in and out, pretending it was a fort. The attackers they were fighting off were ducks that waddled over from the nearby pond. That night, H started scratching and by the next day his whole body was covered with hives.

Lesson #1: Do not let your child play in bushes without examining first for poison ivy.

Lesson #2: Have OTC hydrocortisone on hand in case of sudden itches. Yes, that sounds funny.

Unfortunately I didn't have any hydrocortisone and I didn't want to treat it with anything until I figured out whether H had poison ivy or it was an allergic reaction. R and the other boys playing in the bushes didn't develop it so I determined it was an allergy. We finally went to the doctor after three days and it hadn't gone away using OTC treatments. The doctor prescribed a mild corticosteroid and it went away in ONE day.

All this happened shortly before I found out about the new interactive, online tool from Curél, the Skin Advisor that offers skin analysis and provides advice on common skincare issues. Dr. Sapna Westley, who currently serves as Assistant Attending Physician in the Department of Dermatology at St. Vincent's Hospital and Medical Center in New York City, partnered with Curél to create the Skin Advisor to help users identify and address skincare concerns like dryness, itching, allergies and eczema, to name a few. I learned from Dr. Westley that 10-20% of children have eczema, and many continue to suffer in adulthood. People don’t know what regimen is right for their skin and many times parents are also confused what they should be using for their children’s skin. 

Using the Skin Advisor is very straightforward. After you answer the questions, the Skin Advisor generates a customized analysis of their skin concerns as well as lifestyle tips and Curél product recommendations to treat those concerns. The advisor is very detailed, asking questions about skin type and very specific questions about symptoms people experience, just like Dr. Westley asks her own patients. The analysis generated is also very detailed and gives very useful tips and recommendations for people to start treating their skin. There is also a helpful allergen guide that people can navigate that can help target a specific ingredient that they can look for on product labels. 

For me, the Skin Advisor recommended Curél's new Itch Defense skin balancing lotion. I learned about habits that would help me stop itching, like hydrating twice a day. After you go through the Skin Advisor, the website also provides a coupon for $1 off so you can try the lotion recommended.

WIN IT! One of my readers will win the lotion recommended by the Skin Advisor or another Curél lotion of your choice. Contest period runs from Sunday, April 11, 2010 at 10:00 PM (Pacific) until Wednesday, April 14, 2010 at 11:59 PM (Pacific). Enter by leaving the name of the Curél lotion recommended by the Skin Advisor or another Curél lotion of your choice, and leave your e-mail address OR sign in to comments using your Blogger ID, make sure your Blogger profile is public and includes your e-mail address. If you don't leave a comment that includes the type of lotion and your e-mail address or public Blogger profile, your entry will be disqualified. One entry per person. I reserve the right to extend the contest period. At the end of the contest period, I will utilize Random.org to randomly choose the winner. The winner will be contacted by e-mail and has 72 hours to respond. If the winner does not respond within 72 hours, the lotion will go to the next place winner as decided by Random.org. This contest is open for US Residents only. Good luck!

I did not receive compensation for this post. I found the information useful and wanted to give my readers the opportunity to try the product.