Apparently We Are NOT Free To Be You and Me

I thought we lived in the U.S., the land of the brave and the free. When I think Afghanistan under the Taliban, I think that world is so far removed from our lives, in terms of there being prescribed laws of what a woman can or cannot do. Or what a boy can or cannot do. I've never told my boys that they cannot do this or that because only girls do that or only boys do that. I've given them the freedom to make up their own minds, even when that involves some degree of ridicule from peers or even parents of peers. My older son's favorite color is purple, but thankfully deep purple and not lavender. My younger son's favorite color is pink, and, unlucky for him, that's a color that most of society considers to be for girls only. R has been ridiculed on many occasions by people of all ages, but, at age four, he still really likes pink.

He also loves his mama. If I am doing something, he wants to do it too because he likes to do things with me. R likes to bake and watch Korean drama (mostly to delay bedtime) and pick out clothes that make him look handsome. Last week, I put on nail polish for the first time in front of him. I don't usually wear nail polish because, what's the point, right? With three kids, there are chips and cracks within the hour. I've had three manicures in the past five years and one doesn't even really count because I didn't get any polish. So R was very curious as to the entire process of nail polishing. He wanted to try it out himself but I knew if he put it on his hands, he was just asking for trouble. So I let him put it on his feet. He went to preschool the next day and got some flack for it but it didn't seem like it was a big deal.

But it was a big deal. At least to one little boy. He could not accept that R had polish on his toenails. He couldn't stand it and decided he had enough after five days of R coming to school with painted toes. So he ripped off the nail on R's big toe in his attempt to get the polish off. When I picked R up yesterday, the teacher did not mention anything but when we got to the car, R told me that Jacob had hurt him. R said Jacob really wanted to get the nail polish off and attacked him. I could tell by the dried blood that it hurt a lot. What made me doubly upset was that the teacher did not say anything about it. I went back in with R and asked the teacher what had happened. She said she forgot to tell me about it. In every other preschool or school my sons have attended, the teacher would either write up an incident report and send it home or call me after an injury. I can't believe my son's foot was bleeding and the teacher did not do anything. When I got home, I was still in shock and told Stewart what happened. Stewart blew out of there faster than any tornado (this was pretty amazing since he's been working from 5 PM to 5 AM on a project at work). He went to talk to the teacher and could not get any guarantees from her that Jacob would not hurt R again. So R is not going back.

I'm still reeling from the incident. It's a little shocking that Jacob would be that upset by R wearing nail polish that he would attack him over it. R had told me before that Jacob only had a mom and no dad so I had been more forgiving of his behavior than I would have been otherwise. R had told me in the past that Jacob had pushed him or been mean to him, but I told R just to stay away from him. I could tell that the boy needed more attention and more love. He hugged me once when I picked up R from school and I had never even met him before. So I can understand why the teacher would try to help Jacob rather than just kicking him out. But enough is enough, her saying that she could make no assurances that Jacob would not hurt R means that she is choosing Jacob over R. I can't be part of the village raising Jacob if doing so is at the expense of my son. Someone needs to show Jacob that he cannot use violence to make someone else conform to his ideas of right and wrong. Sure, he may think it's strange that a boy would have nail polish (yes, pink) on his feet, but that doesn't give him license to attack that boy over it.

I know some people might say that I set R up for this problem, but could anyone have predicted that seeing a boy wear nail polish would incite violence in a preschooler to the point where he would rip off another kid's nail over it? I can't help but think that Jacob may grow up to become another Dharun Ravi or even worse. I always thought that I didn't have to deal with problematic bullying until my kids were older, but now I know I was wrong. R is going to enroll in martial arts today. As the younger brother, he's been used to being picked on to some degree but now he needs to learn to stand up for himself. Isn't that sad? I'm going to teach my four year old son that violence is the answer. Not just because of the martial arts, but because if anyone taunts R in the near future about his long hair or fondness of pink, I'm not going to stop him from kicking you in the face.

Help a Mother Out: Mother's Day Call to Action

Today I was privileged to attend the Annual Help a Mother Out Mother's Day Tea in the elegant Green Room of the San Francisco War Memorial & Performing Arts Center. Help a Mother Out is a nationally recognized grassroots organization that exists because every baby deserves a clean diaper. The organization raises critically needed diapers for homeless and low-income families. I learned some very startling things at the event. Some 22% of all children under five years old in the U.S. live in poverty, and one of every three families struggle to afford diapers. You can't buy diapers with food stamps or get them through WIC. This surprised me since you can buy them with FSA dollars. So if you have enough money to put into an FSA, the government gives you a break and lets you use before-tax dollars to buy them, but if you don't have money, then you can't use government aid to buy them. That makes very little sense to me.

I once heard of a mom who left her kid in a diaper all day because she didn't know you had to change the diaper every time the baby soils it. She actually thought you could use one diaper a day. That baby got diaper rash so bad that skin was falling off and the baby could not even wear diapers for a couple weeks. But there are some families that can't afford diapers so they have to leave the baby for extended periods of time in the same diaper, leading to diaper rash, staph and UTIs. I know you are thinking, "well, why doesn't that person just use cloth diapers, you just need a few and then you can wash them." But cloth diapers are not a good option for most families in need due to initial costs and access to laundry facilities. If you are living in a homeless shelter with your baby, you are not going to be able to wash cloth diapers, there is just no way. Most free/subsidized childcare programs require parents to provide disposable diapers. I learned about single moms trying to get jobs and an education to give themselves and their children a better future. They can't do that if they are worrying about diapers.

I remember once reaching into my diaper bag and finding that I had absolutely no more diapers in there. There was an initial moment of panic, until I came to the realization that I could go buy more (if you think that's weird, it's because I get all my diapers delivered through Amazon Mom (20% off) so I rarely buy diapers in an actual store). But many moms can't just go to the store and buy more. There are even moms that are forced to shoplift in order to get diapers for their babies.

This Mother's Day, consider making a donation to Help A Mother Out (see the widget on the right side of my blog) in the name of your favorite mother. It will make such a difference in the life of a struggling mother and her baby. I had a wonderful time at the tea, my table host Wendy did a fabulous job setting up our table and I enjoyed speaking with the other ladies at our table. I was able to meet up with Kim from my LA Moms Blog days and Glennia, Grace and Ana from the SF Bay blogger community. The best part was being able to enjoy the event without dirty [precious] children's hands pawing at me or my food. A great time at a great event for a great cause. Please, won't you Help A Mother Out?

Wikets: Rec'ing Contest!

Over on Wikets this week is the first Batman Rec'ing Contest. Batman is the community manager for Wikets and today he has asked the question "What product $25 or less would you MOST want ot give a friend?" Wikets will be picking 10 of the most heartful, funny, clever recs as winners. If you win, you can pick one of the 10 items rec'ed for your friend on Wikets and one for yourself! It's going to be a fun contest, I can't wait to see what kinds of things people will rec. If you are a part of Wikets, enter and you might win. And pick me as your friend to receive the prize. J/K. No, I'm not. The contest started today at noon EST and will go to 11:59 EST on May 1st.

If you haven't signed up yet for Wikets on your iPhone or iPad, use the promo code "randommommy" for 200 bonus points and sign up today. It's free and it's available at the app store. Last week was really exciting, for a short time we were #1 in Catalogs at the app store! Woo hoo!

I did not receive compensation for this post. I work as a consultant to Wikets but all content on my blog is my own.

$25 GC GIVEAWAY: Finding the Right Fit at the Ross Dress for Less Annual Shoe Event

CONGRATS TO #22 AS CHOSEN BY RANDOM.ORG! PLEASE RESPOND TO MY EMAIL WITHIN 72 HOURS WITH YOUR MAILING ADDRESS. Thanks to everyone who participated and I hope you will come by my blog again soon!
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My boss in law school told me over lunch one day that her feet had grown a half size with each child. The result was that she ended up with size 9 feet. I was dreading this when I became pregnant. Sure enough with H, my feet grew from 8 to 8 1/2. And wider too, from D to EE. Then with R my feet grew from 8 1/2 to 9. Thankfully my feet had gone back to D so they only blew up to EE again. I thought that I was going to end up with size 9 feet forever. But something strange happened. After R's second birthday, my feet started shrinking. All those pairs of shoes I had given away, oh the regret! Between my first and second pregnancies, there hadn't been enough time for my feet to recover. I guess two years is the magic number because I could wear size 8 1/2 again. I hoped with even more time passing my feet would go back to size 8.

Then God had a surprise for me. Along came bonus baby E and I had to buy size 9 1/2 sneakers. So now I have no idea what is going to happen with my feet. I can't buy expensive shoes because I don't know if I'll be able to wear them next year or even next month! Thankfully, my friends at Ross Dress for Less sent me a note about their annual Shoe Event going on until April 30. This isn't the first time I've turned to Ross's shoe department in my hour of need. I went to Portland for a wedding two years ago WITHOUT shoes for the wedding. The carrot of no sales tax was all I needed to take that risk. We stopped by Ross hours before the wedding and I found the perfect shoes for $30 within five minutes. I can't say what the brand was but I will say I spend double that on a pair of shoes of the same brand in the brand's store at Rockefeller Center in NYC when they were on sale for 50% off! 

I visited the store last week to look for something for Easter. There was such an extensive selection that I had to try on everything. It was pretty funny, R was with me and he saw me take off my sock so I could try on the shoes so he took off his sock and tried on the shoes with me. I thought it was a sign of genius that he took off his right sock. R picked the ones he wanted me to buy and I picked too, the ones with the black and white flowers! The day he realizes it's not cool to shop with mommy will be a really sad one for me. 

Most of the shoes were in the $20-$40 range and brands that we would all recognize. They advertise the shoes at being 40-70% off of department store prices and I would have to say the discount is more at the larger end of the range rather than the smaller. Check it out for yourself! My friends at Ross Dress for Less have provided a $25 giftcard for one lucky Random Mommy Reader!

HOW TO ENTER THE GIVEAWAY:  Contest period runs from Wednesday, April 4 at 5:01 PM (Pacific) until Thursday, April 12 at 11:59 PM (Pacific). Enter by leaving the name of your favorite type of shoe, and leave your e-mail address OR sign in to comments using your Blogger ID, making sure your Blogger profile is public and includes your e-mail address.

Bonus Entries (leave a separate comment for each entry, it counts if you've done any of these so leave a comment for each one)
1) Follow me on Twitter
2) Tweet this contest and leave the tweet url (once per day)
3) Like Ross Dress for Less on Facebook

If you don't leave a qualifying comment and your e-mail address or public Blogger profile, your entry will be disqualified. I reserve the right to extend the contest period. At the end of the contest period, I will utilize Random.org to randomly choose the winner. The winner will be contacted by e-mail and will have 72 hours to respond to my e-mail. If the winner does not respond within 72 hours, the prize will go to the next place winner as decided by Random.org. This contest is open for US Residents only. A huge thank you and much appreciation to my friends at Ross Dress for Less for their generosity! Good luck!
I did not receive compensation for this post. I received a gift card to facilitate my review. 

Date Night: May the Odds be Ever in Your Favor

Stewart and I haven't gone out the two of us for dinner and a movie since I don't know when. It may have been before H was born so almost six years ago. We've gone out to dinner or we've gone out to a movie, but never both because of the time. Dinner and a movie = five hours. Five hours = $60 babysitting fee. Add that on to the cost of the dinner and the movie and it quickly becomes the cost groceries for a couple weeks. I haven't even considered going to see a movie in the theater lately because I've been so scarred by my last theater movie experience. Hangover II. It took months to recover from the visual of male appendages blown up to epic proportions. The things I do to support Korean actors!

But something has been brewing for the past couple of months. As I've been using Wikets to recommend my favorite things and places, I've noticed there is a book that people mention over and over again. The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. It is the book that comes up repeatedly as a new user's favorite book for their first rec on the system. It is the series that people re'rec and wishlist and rave about, with fans exclaiming their excitement in scoring tickets to sold out opening night performances. With so many people rec'ing it, I had to see what all the hype was about, to see whether the community was genuinely rec'ing it or just hopping on the train with everyone else.

I think I read the first one in a matter of hours, late into the night morning hours. I couldn't put it down. I had to see if Katniss Everdeen won the Hunger Games. I don't think it's a spoiler to say that she does, since there would be no second and third book if she hadn't. But the way she won, was really ingenious and made me excited about the rest of the series. As soon as I finished the book, I told Stewart that we were going to see the movie. Actually I told him I was going to see the movie. I never thought we could both see it because of the aforementioned cost factor. But an angel family from our church pushed us to have a date night and agreed to take care of all three of our kids. Baby E has been exhibiting signs of stranger danger so a regular babysitter wouldn't even have been an option. But Baby E had been falling asleep in this angel woman's arms since the first month of her life so we were all set. Yippee!

When we got there I took some photos to commemorate our experience. The line, Stewart standing at the end of the very long line, and my ticket. I would have taken more except someone reported to security a woman wearing a purple jacket taking photos of the line and they came over to tell me to cut it out. I guess I must look like someone with criminal intentions. Back to the line. It was really amazing the diversity that made up the line. All ages and races; families, singles, teenagers--the entire row in front of us was made up of senior citizen couples. The woman who had organized the outing brought baggies of snacks, one for each couple.

Everything was exciting and fun, starting with the previews. There was one for the Avengers movie, the new Spiderman movie, then the next Twilight, all showing lots of fighting and killing. Then there was the preview for The Titanic. It was really interesting to see that showcased as "from the director of Avatar." It was ironic that nothing had been said during the the previews for the other films, but for this one, when the ship starts to sink, a little voice behind us said, "soooo scary." Then the movie started and two and half hours flew by. Even though I knew exactly what was going to happen, it was thrilling to see how the director had put what was on paper onto the screen. At first the Peeta character really disappointed me, I think I imagined him as a stockier, younger Paul Walker. But he definitely grew on me as the movie progressed and by the end I was rooting for him. Stewart said later that Jennifer Lawrence wasn't emaciated enough to portray Katniss and he does have a point there. It was all over too soon!

The date wasn't over, though, we still had dinner to come. I used the explore function in Wikets to find the closest restaurant that someone had rec'ed and it didn't disappoint. There was one that was in the same shopping center that I had actually put on my wishlist: Alexander's Steakhouse. Sous vide beet salad, ribeye the size of Stewart's head, truffled mac and cheese and truffled french fries. I've been eating salad ever since. So rich and so delicious, honestly the person who recommended it really knew his stuff. Oh, and complimentary cotton candy for dessert. A perfect end to a perfect date. Hopefully it'll be less than six years till the next one. May the Odds be Ever in Our Favor that it is! 

You can find Hunger Games and other great recs through the iOS app Wikets. If you sign up using my promo code "randommommy" you'll get an extra 200 bonus points and be that much closer to earning an Amazon GC. I work as a consultant to Wikets but all opinions in this post are my own.

Book Review: Good Idea. Now What?

When we moved to the Los Angeles area I wanted to switch gears in my church life. I had been going to a church back East that was and is an awesome close-knit community. I had great friends and we really supported each other in all the aspects of our lives. As much goodness as that was, I wanted to try something different. We were moving to a place where I had my sister and another close girlfriend. Since I was being shaken out of my comfort zone, I felt like this was the perfect opportunity for us to be shaken out of our spiritual comfort zone as well. After visits to churches near and far in LA and Orange County, we settled at New Hope South Bay.

The pastor of the church, Charles T. Lee preached sermons that made you feel like you could walk on water. He inspired, empowered, and challenged you to do enormous good for the local and global community. The church was a recent church plant and didn't have a huge number of members. Perhaps there was a core group of 40 believers and a larger transient group of 200. But throughout the two years I attended this church, the core group raised hundreds of dollars through rummage sales to support an orphanage in China, put together gift baskets at Christmas time for victims of human trafficking, paid for countless loads of laundry for the homeless through the Laundry Love initiative, and supported children and moms in the community by providing free VBS, a meeting location, and events in the park that tied in popular culture and the message of Christ. Sometimes when I think back, I am really amazed at how much we accomplished with so few people. It truly was a special special time in my Christian life.

After we moved to Silicon Valley, the church closed for a variety of reasons (not the least of which being zoning laws that the church before us had broken in building the facility) and Pastor Charles moved on to another calling. I think that God recognized his ability to activate and spur people on to action by giving Charles the opportunity to create something that would enable him to do just that not just for Christians but for everyone and anyone with the capacity to do good. As the CEO of Ideation, he creates spaces through which some of the most innovative thinkers and practitioners in the field of social good (e.g., businesses, organizations, influencers, etc.) meet in order to help fellow practitioners develop thoughts and tangible next steps for greater impact in their respective work. Of course, not everyone can afford the time and expense of attending a conference, so Charles has made it possible for those with great ideas get these ideas from abstract formulations to executable action steps.

Each chapter in Good Idea. Now What? is structured simply. I think the short and sweet approach works so that you can effectively build layer by layer the strategy to carry out your plans. You think about a concept, you formulate action plans, then you act. There is space for you to write down your thoughts so that you can have your notes all in one place and be able to come back to them later. This makes total sense, yet I've never come to the realization myself. When you write something down about your idea and see how it changes, then you're able to revisit key steps later and track the evolution of your idea instead of it just being a jumbled mess in your head.

One chapter that affected me right away discusses insecurity--how we are afraid to ask for things or present ideas at work because we think we will be shot down. Charles makes the excellent point that there is very little chance that we will be fired so we should stop being insecure and just do it. This may sound really minuscule, but I had not been able to access my work email on my phone. This meant that I had to go to my computer several times a day and many times I would get to email late, even days late, because of emails coming in at odd times. I had asked my boss to get me access back in December but with everything else going on (my request being low priority on the to-do list of a startup), I hadn't heard back. After reading this chapter, I talked to my boss again and he got me access right away. I can't believe I just sat back and did nothing about this for three months, but Charles was right. If you need something at work to make you able to work better, there is absolutely no downside to taking action.

I won't reveal all the great nuggets of the book because I want you to go and read it yourself. Even if you don't have a supersonic singular idea, this book can help you get your life organized. If you do have a potential world-changer on your hands, it also has a great list of references for other resources that can help you turn your dream into a reality. I wholeheartedly recommend this book and the man behind the book. If you look up the word "integrity" in the dictionary, Charles Lee's face would be there. It would also probably be followed by the words, see also, "Yankee fan," but that's another blog post. Here is a great Youtube video about the book:

I hope it will help you bring your greatness to the world!

I was not compensated for this post. It was a pleasure reviewing a book written by a friend and mentor. 

Little League Team Parent for Dummies

My post on how little I know about how to be a team parent for Little League is up on Technorati. If you live near me, I will be hitting you up to buy buckets of cookie dough.

The boys had a lot of fun during their first game! And afterwards at the snack shack filling up on M&Ms and giant pretzel. Too bad their games will be canceled this week due to rain. More time to practice piano!